The World’s Greatest Rifle Infomercial!

Are you tired of having to manually cycle your rifle for every single shot? Now there’s a batter way – don’t be stuck in the past! Get the Howell Automatic Rifle! It’s patented gas piston system does all the work for you, so you can start fighting *with* your rifle instead of fighting *against* your rifle!

The Howell is terrific for any tactical situation – it even works on the Irish! Order now, and we will include the tactical bipod stabilization system AND the extended trench magazine to give you 100% more firepower!

On a more serious note, the rifle is actually coming up for sale at the James D Julia auction house this month. And if you want one of my awesome Howell Automatic Rifle shirts, they really are a limited-time offer.

25 Comments

  1. “Since i got my Howell® automatic rifle, my life has changed, my buddies pay me drinks to drink, my skin is softer znd women rush on me, moaning with desire.”

    Ichabod Fitzpatrick, goat keeper in Shellbrook, SK, Canada

  2. With this current “Russian connection” in Washington might I suggest adding Puty and the Bolsheviks to the list of Howell targets?

  3. TAKE MY MONEY!!!!! TAKE MY MONEY!!!!!

    Hell, at that price I’ll take 10!!

    Keep up the good work Ian, as always!

  4. Weapon of choice scenario (April Fools!):

    Given a choice of weapons which were never developed into successful armaments, which will you take to repel a scourge of giant monster crows?

    1. Howell automatic rifle (or the Canadian Huot)
    2. Mondragon 1908 with drum magazine
    3. Kawamura rifle (made by Nippon Special Steel)
    4. Charlton automatic rifle
    5. Beardmore-Farquhar .5 inch machine gun
    6. Knorr-Bremse MG-35/36
    7. Standschütze Hellriegel M1915
    8. Reihenfeuer 08 (full auto Luger) with stock and drum magazine
    9. Sjogren shotgun
    10. Type 100 SMG
    11. Do whatever!

    This activity is completely voluntary. You are not required to participate if you do not wish to do so. Please keep any and all criticism of this post humane and free of foul language.

    Thank you,

    Cherndog

        • “The 100 round drum must be heavy, but should be nice with adapted tactics”
          To be exact, on photos 97-round can be seen. Mass of magazine loaded with cartridges was 2,897 kg.

          • Wait, assuming we’re using European decimals (French use commas to indicate decimal points rather than use periods), that magazine weighs around 5 to 7 international standard pounds, right? Otherwise we would have a contradictory number which would give a mass nearly 3 metric tons! Did I mess up?

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